Quote of the Day (The Vatican Groans, Dylan Creaks & Croaks)

“The article by Giuseppe Fiorentino and Gaetano Vallini [a ‘semiserious guide’ to the to the top ten rock and pop albums of all time in the Vatican’s official newspaper, L’ Osservatore Romano] said that [Bob] Dylan was excluded from the list despite his ‘great poetic vein’ because he paved the way for generations of unprofessional singer-songwriters who have ‘harshly tested the ears and patience of listeners’ with their tormented stories.”—Chiara Vasarri, “The Beatles, Michael Jackson, and U2 Make Vatican Newspaper’s List of Best Albums; Bob Dylan Snubbed,” “Speakeasy” blog for The Wall Street Journal, February 15, 2010

“Harshly tested the ears and patience of listeners”? Think someone in the Holy See has a bad case of buyer’s remorse about Dylan’s Christmas in the Heart CD?

You remember that one from the fourth quarter of last year, right? The mere news of it spread merriment throughout the world. (In fact, The Nation headlined its review of the befuddled responses, “Bob Dylan’s Christmas Album: Is This a Joke?”)

Comedy is not pretty, as Steve Martin has said. Neither, from the minute or so I was able to listen without running for the hills, is what Dylan did to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and “The Christmas Song.”

The sound resembles someone’s grandpa stepping in front of a microphone and deciding he’s got to sing. And I’m not talking about Tony Bennett (who, if he’s not a grandfather, is certainly old enough to be one) in his vermouth-smooth delivery, but a cranky type, croaking out lyrics because, he figures, he’s old enough to do what he wants and he doesn’t have to listen to anyone anymore. The type who is not just a so-called industry “heritage artist” but a heritage artist who’s a world legend, and therefore your label had better smile and accommodate him, no matter how misconceived you might believe his musical project to be.

How did the Vatican’s equivalent of the evil eye cast Dylan’s way come to pass?

Did the Holy Father express a desire to find out more about youth culture? Did an aide recall something about Dylan being “the voice of a generation,” forgetting that the generation in question was the baby boomer one that came of age in the Sixties? Did said aide run out to the local record store (no iPod for the pontiff?) and get his hands on the very latest by this Great Artist?

The consternation in the Vatican must have been something to behold as Pope Benedict was fitted out with headphones to listen to explicitly religious songs from the CD, such as “The First Noel,” “O Little Town of Bethlehem,” and “O Come All Ye Faithful.”

Imagine the members of the Curia exchanging worried glances after a few minutes of this, as the gentle, shy face of Il Papa Ratzi was replaced by the harder-edged one inevitably called to mind in those quarters as belonging to Gottes Rottweiler...